The Guns of Auguste

Nothing wrong with a man dancing, which sources tell me Tucker is trying to do here.

So objectively pro-terrorist douchebag Tucker Carlson is apparently a little bit touchy.

It turns out that Chuckles, who not-incidentally was one of the very first commenters on this very blog, works in a video store in the Washington DC area. It also turns out that Tucker Carlson likes to rent videos in the Washington DC area. It further turns out that Tucker Carlson apparently has some sort of Technorati alert system set up to deliver all appearances of his name right to his, Tucker Carlson’s, master underground command center for his perusal and overreaction. (Hence my repeating of Tucker Carlson’s name, because I want him to read this.) How else to explain a national television personality’s concern over a joking post on a small blog*?

And concerned Mr. Carlson apparently was. To make a long story a bit shorter, he got Chuckles fired. Over a blog post.

But it doesn’t stop there. “No,” you say, “it must stop there. What more madness can there be?” Oh, there’s madness, my friend. TO SPARE.

Chuckles says:

Tucker Carlson’s lawyer or someone claiming to be in this position has hassled my friend and former coworker around 7:30 to 8:00 pm this evening. This person marched into the video store and demanded information about me and insisted that my friend divulge my full name, place of residence and any other further places of employment I might have. My friend is totally effing rad and rightly told this person that there was no way in hell he/she was giving away any information about me and then demanded that this hassler then produce their name and place of employment. The hassler claimed that this information was confidential. My friend then said, “Well, now you know how I feel.” I am rather in awe of the loyalty this friend displayed and I should find some appropriate way to pay him/her back for the aggravation suffered.

If this harassment does not cease by 5 pm Tuesday the 9th, I will be forced to take further legal action.

So, assuming that this person really represents Carlson, this has officially turned from a WATB freakout to a full-blown vendetta. But a vendetta carried out by a national media figure against a humble erstwhile video store employee is not really a vendetta, is it? It’s class warfare.

That’s right, I said it. Worse things are said about Tucker Carlson every day than the inside jokes that Chuckles made about him, many of them on television. But they aren’t said by a member of the service class. They aren’t said by a person who has no career leverage over his employer, who is essentially replaceable immediately (although not in our hearts, of course, Chuckles), who will be cut loose the minute someone with an expensive suit** starts throwing their weight around.

Tucker: Jon Stewart calls you a prick on national television and you mewl like a kitten. A blogger jokingly suggests sending you 10,000 copies of Jon Stewart’s book and you bring your full wrath to bear. This is what is known as “bullying.” And bullies are shit. I won’t complete the obvious syllogism, because you might come to my massage parlor and knock the mop out of my hand.

Throughout history, the autocrats have relied on the ignorance and docility of the peasants to maintain their power unquestioned. The thing that today’s neocons really hate about America is that, especially due to the internet, you can’t tell who the peasants are anymore.

* Bigger than this one.

** And a bow tie. Power.